We won't sleep together?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize