ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
