I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
