i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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