Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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