Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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