all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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