I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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