you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
