Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
