i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
