i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
