So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I looked at my own cervix.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
