I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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