My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
