***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
someone owes me an orgasm
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
