What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
