Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
