im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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