Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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