so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
