saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
