Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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