He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
