dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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