just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
