my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
