also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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