His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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