Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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