WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
