i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
