just come out here and I will go home with you...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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