That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i drank out of a bidet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
