they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
