What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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