Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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