The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
