i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
