Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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