Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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