After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
