She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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