i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
