i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
