So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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