I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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