The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
