Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
