just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
