the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
