But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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