Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
