He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
either way he was missing a nipple.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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