you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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