Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
