WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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