Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
