break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
