Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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