It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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