i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
