I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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