I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
