just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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