So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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