I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
