I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
