Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
