hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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