So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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