i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
