Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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