just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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