OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
