Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
