Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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