I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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