There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
