thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
