Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize