Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
