i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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