I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
