imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
