I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
