Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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