I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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