I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
