i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
