you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
